Creepypasta Movie, Anyone?

Creepypastas. The internet’s own wellspring of meme horror, made-up legends, and hacked video game tales that make you want to hide under the bed. Beautiful. It’s the modern-day equivalent of sitting around a campfire, telling bullshit ghost stories and scaring everyone from ever wanting to go camping again. Of course the all-knowing internet gods would bestow upon us a corner of the web in which we can sit around the proverbial campfire and tell these urban legends and firsthand accounts of the paranormal. 

Why haven’t there been any creepypasta inspired movies?

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I mean, really think about it. There’s an entire utopia of crappy and not-so-crappy horror stories sitting dormant in the World Wide Web, waiting for a desperate director to snatch one up. Creepypastas have become a pop culture three-ring circus for many kids, who will probably one day tell their kids about Slenderman and Smile Dog to get them to shut the hell up and go to sleep. It’s like a potential-B-movie extravaganza happening right before our very eyes, and yet no one has thought to harness them and milk them for all they’re worth.

You know how it works. Every few years or so, there’s a new trend in the horror movie business. For awhile, it was aliens. Then it was ghosts. Then demonic possessions. Then zombies. Now there’s a lull, a sub-par melange of horror movies recalling different eras: here a demon movie, there a slasher movie. Why not experiment with creepypastas?

There’s definitely a market for movies based on creepypastas. Be honest, how many of you would blindly throw your money at a movie about your favorite creepypasta? What about an SCP-inspired movie? Oh, God, the jump scares. 

Just think about it. Jeff the Killer, on the big screen. Now, I read Jeff the Killer and wasn’t too impressed by it, but given its status as a phenomenal creepypasta, I think it would roll in the big bucks for sure. And it would be so easy to make a movie out of! A series of murders are taking place, committed by what the kids are calling “Jeff the Killer”, and an investigator has to track him down. Slowly, Jeff the Killer’s story unfolds as the investigator digs up information about his origins and all that crap we see in the actual creepypasta (how he was a troubled child, almost got his brother killed, and in a fit of guilt and rage murdered the boys who had been bullying him, getting splashed with bleach so that he was disfigured, etc…). We see so many crappy movies about crime investigators tracking down truly horrible criminals, so it’s not like this is anything that’ll be scoffed at. What is cool, though, is the fact that this isn’t just Jake the Hitchhiker or Sam the Child-snatcher. This is Jeff the Freakin Killer. Kids would eat it up. Go money.

Or what about Ben Drowned, which is responsible for my adamant desire to burn every copy of Majora’s Mask in existence? It’s a story about a kid who buys a used copy of The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask at a garage sale. The game supposedly belonged to a boy who “no longer lived in the house”. Well, the fucking game was possessed by the boy’s spirit, and the game glitched up in so many terrifying ways that the kid who bought the game started to feel like he was being haunted. Definitely read the creepypasta if you haven’t already. But really, how cool would that be! It could be a movie about just that: A boy who buys a possessed game at a garage sale and tries desperately to discover who “Ben” was, trying to solve his death in order to stop the terrifying possession of his game and, eventually, himself. Shit, I can already hear the “Song of Healing” playing in reverse as Link runs around a broken, glitchy clock town…*shudder*

There are only two creepypastas that have ever scared me to death. The first is Ben Drowned. The second is The Lavender Town Tone. What scares me the most about that one is that it may not be so fake after all: It concerns the music that plays when you enter Lavender Town, a little hamlet in the world of Pokemon Red and Green (or Blue, in the American version). In the beta version of the Japanese game, the music contains shrill, uncomfortably high-pitched “binaural frequencies” that were placed specifically in the song to “make kids feel uncomfortable”. Well, according to the creepypasta account, many kids between the ages of 7 and 12 committed suicide as a result of prolonged exposure to these binaural frequencies. The frequencies were removed in the American version of the game. While I don’t know if the Lavender Town Tone caused kids to actually kill themselves, it’s a scientifically known fact that certain frequencies can have different effects on the brain, particularly the developing brain of a child. High-pitched, eerie ones like the ones found in the Lavender Town song can cause feelings of anxiety, stomach aches, headaches, and other very negative feelings that can have long-lasting effects on the brain. The fact that these kids had been listening to it over and over with headphones on makes me cringe. What could it have made those kids feel? Ugh. It’s just disturbing. But it’s also movie-making material, bro. You can’t deny that it would make for a cool movie. Maybe a little B-movie-ish, but hey, the Halloween franchise was cheesy and they ended up making about a thousand of them. So I guess they were making money. 

 

What do you think? Are creepypastas good movie inspirations? Do you think kids would flock to the movie theater to see a movie based on Jeff the Killer or Ben Drowned? What other creepypastas would make for good horror movies? Leave a comment below!

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